In the summer of 2021, I made a really big decision that changed my life. I was working as a mental health therapist at a local mental health company and I was temporarily running an adult therapy group there. Shortly after taking over the group, a new client started and we began working together in the group setting. After a week or two, she found me on social media and we started talking outside of that group setting. I knew that I was risking my license and my job by having these conversations, but something in my gut told me that it’s what I wanted. She pursued me and I became increasingly interested in a relationship with her. Then, after the group had ended for us both, I made a choice based on what felt right for me at the time and despite what others have said or may think, she consensually and knowingly did the same – we started a relationship. The situation was brought to the attention of my HR director and after meeting with them about the policy and boundary violation, I ended up quitting my job. Following that, I waited six months before the licensing board contacted me about the violation and after a couple discussions with them, I decided to surrender my license.
When that time came, I surrendered my license because I chose happiness and, honestly, love. Was it scary? Yes. Was there fear of judgment? Absolutely. Did I expect to struggle on the other side? Of course. Six years ago when I was in graduate school, I would never have thought that I would give up my license for a client but it happened. Unexpected things, decisions, and people happen. Some see it as a mistake, I see it as a choice that I made because of where I was at the time. I know some people will think differently of me for that and question my decision making. Some clinicians and old grad school classmates will condemn me or look down upon me. I also recognize some potential clients might run the other way. I’ve even been called a predator by someone through a fake Facebook account. But I made a choice, and I've taken accountability and ownership of that choice, knowing that choices have good and bad consequences.
Anddddd the good definitely came with the bad! For starters - I spent a period of my life with someone that I loved dearly and who supported me in so many ways. Meanwhile, my resiliency and anxiety got a workout. I was forced to challenge myself in new ways, engage in my own therapy, and focus on areas of my life that needed some TLC. I came to recognize that wrenches get thrown into your day-to-day life and you have to own it, accept it, and move forward.
Since I gave up my license, I transitioned into mental health coaching and still have my private practice. I realized that even though I made a “mistake” in some people's eyes and chose an unexpected path, I still have knowledge and skills to offer people in this world. My passion lies with supporting others and encouraging them along their journey to well-being. This specific choice in my life does not negate that or the work I've done thus far. Yes, I gave up my license, but I have two degrees and 6 years of significant therapeutic field experience, plus my owned lived experiences as well. Therefore, after consultation with colleagues and considerable research, I decided to transition into mental health coaching. The transition involved open discussions with clients and families about why I surrendered my license and those who were appropriate for coaching were given the option to continue working with me or be referred to a licensed professional. Those that were not appropriate for coaching, due to specific situation or need, were terminated or referred to an appropriate level of care or licensed provider.
Like I mentioned before, I was called a predator by someone behind a keyboard for continuing to work in the field after giving up my license... and to be really honest, that hurt pretty bad. Yes, some people might agree and I'm risking that judgment. However, this isn't something I'm hiding. Transparency and authenticity are two of my main personal values so here I am.
I have been transparent and now I’m putting this out there to continue that pattern but to also break down this stigma of messy lives and to humanize “mistakes” or “choices” that others don’t always understand. I believe that people make mistakes and mistakes do not entirely define you. I believe that life is hard and through the ups and downs, you can find clarity, growth, and necessary change. I believe in being genuine and having conversations about the realities of life, providing validation that it’s hardly ever “easy”.
I know this was long winded, but I hope it finds someone who needs validation that life is not simple and is often unexpected. I hope it finds those who struggle with imposter syndrome and helps them remember their value as I continue to have to do. I hope it finds the people who have spoken negatively about me and those who think “I can’t believe that”. Because, well, me either but here we are. I’m human and life is messy, and I’m ok with that. And, finally, I hope that others will accept me and see my value beyond a choice I made, but I know that not everyone will - and I'm ok with that too.
❤️ - Jamie
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